A night out with the boys

Just after I got married, I was invited out for a night with “the boys.”

I told my wife that I would be home by midnight … promise! Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around 2:30 am, drunk as a skunk, I went home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock started, and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly I realized she’d probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having the quick wittedness – even when smashed – to escape a possible conflict.

Next morning my wife asked me what time I got in and I told her 12 o’clock. She didn’t seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why she said, “Well, it cuckooed 3 times, said ‘dang it,’ cuckooed another 4 times, farted, cuckooed another 3 times, cleared its throat, and cuckooed twice and giggled.”

________________________________________________________________________

Drunk Husbands

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, I shut off the engine and coast into the garage, I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom, I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late.”

His buddy looks at him and says, “Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife’s butt and say, ‘How about a little…?’ and she pretends that she’s asleep!”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Thanks for the Beer

Pintu walks into a bar for a bar and takes a seat. However, just as the bartender put the beer on the bar, there was a loud disturbance outside. He ran out to see what was going on but soon went back to drink his beer.

When he got back, he found his glass empty and a note saying: ‘Thanks for the beer!’

Pintu was a little ticked-off but ordered another beer anyway. Again, just as the bartender put the beer down, a loud crash was heard in the street. Thinking that someone ran into his parked car, Pintu runs outside to check on things. Seeing that his car was okay, he returned to the bar and again found his glass empty and another note that said: ‘Thanks again, this was as good as the first one.’

Well he still hadn’t had a beer to quench his thirst, so he ordered another. Just as the bartender put the beer down, a series of shots were heard outside. This time Pintu wasn’t going to lose his beer to anybody.

So he spit into the beer and left a note saying: ‘Enjoy, I just spit into the beer.’

He then ran outside to see what had happened. When Pintu returned he was delighted to find that his beer was just where he left it.

However this time the note said: ‘You enjoy, I spit in it too!’